Hey Chipper, Mr. Anderson
That's Guy, not Garry,
or Gary or even Garie,
Wants us to dialog in Haiku?

Huh? He wants dialog? In Haiku?
Why does that sound kuku?

Wldnt tht b wrtng lk ths,
wrtng
by nt ncldng ny vwls?

Come on, Chipper, give him a break.

Okay. Let's get started. I have some
Chicks waiting who want a piece of me.

Chipper, I'm home now.
Give daddy a kissy kiss.
Did you miss me much?

Before you left today,
You forgot to walk me. Look,
A gift on the rug.

A human asleep. A dog
abark. A human annoyed.
What is the problem?

Wake up. Wake up. Look,
Look. Cringe. It's the paperboy.
He comes to kill you.

A human in a rush.
Dog, a leash, a row of trees.
Hurry @#$%& dog.

Morning ritual –
A tree sniffed. A leg lifted.
Thus, each tree I bless.

Hey, doggie, move over
You're pushing me off the edge.
I'm about to fall.

Lo, too small a space,
Bodies bumping together
Off the bed, large one.

Chipper, you are sweet.
I love your sloppy smooches.
They make me feel good.

I lick your cute face.
I lick first the derrieres
of cute lady dogs.

To take cares away,
The prescription: Hold cute dog.
Rub belly, throw kiss.

Lo, a prescription
Take two biscuits. Feed to dog.
Call him in the morning.

Chipper, what is it?
Can't you see I am busy?
Leave me alone now.

I stare. You ignore me.
I stare. You ignore me. Lo,
A war you can't win.

I'm lonely today.
No calls. No one visited.
Only you love me.

Your best friend is here.
I rub. I nuzzle. When I
Sleep, do not disturb.

Mrs. Williams called,
Her cat almost scared to death,
Claiming you did it.

Why did I chase cat?
Why do you eat Milky Ways?
Because they are there.

Chipper, take it easy.
Panting, drooling on the rug –
No help for your cause.

Steak. Steak. I smell steak.
I sit, I stay, I jump up
And I lick your shoe.

Above bush of red roses
Dark blue hummingbirds hover
Savoring sweetness.

Hear me, foolish one:
Better than two in the bush
Is a bird in mouth.

It was a rotten day.
Tell me, Chipper old boy, why
Are there days like this?

My philosophy:
Some days you are the hydrant.
Some days you're the dog,

Chipper, look, a cat
To snuggle with on cold days
When I am at work.

A man, a body...
Nice. But a mind? Tsk tsk tsk,
Defragging needed.